


Drell Memory

by relinquish_one_bullet



Series: Mass Effect One Shots [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 10:12:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8009662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/relinquish_one_bullet/pseuds/relinquish_one_bullet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A drell's memory is a blessing and a curse. But tonight...tonight it's something else altogether.<br/>Think of it as a reason for smut. And a little happiness for ThanexShep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drell Memory

Systematically, like clockwork, he relaxed each muscle, starting with his hands. He always started with his hands. 

He was used to his cot, stiff and shallow. He had come to be used to it; he’d certainly slept in worse places. Dark places. Cold places. Places his memory could pull in perfect detail behind closed eyes. But not tonight. Tonight was different, warm. He pushed the thoughts away, focused on each muscle instead. 

From his hands, his forearms, then his biceps. He worked his away across his shoulders, the back of his neck, around to his collarbones. There was something just on the edge of his memory, something he kept safely hidden just for him. It pried into the darkness but he shut it back, barely containing the flush of warmth across his bare skin, shirt crumpled somewhere on the ground. 

Down his chest, his stomach, his thighs. Farther down his legs to his feet, sinking deeper and deeper into the bed. With his eyes closed, blanketed in darkness, he could sleep forever, contained in his meditative state. 

But there was that thing again, gnawing, digging. A memory that wished to be revisited. He wondered how many times he would remember, how many times he’d live through this again. 

The muscles in his forearms jumped slightly, tightened, and he worked to relax them again. Soft, deep breaths. But he could smell her now, other senses working through the memory without his consent. Drell memory…a blessing and a curse. 

His skin tingled as he breathed her in, a mix between harsh military soap and something softer…vanilla? It was intoxicating. He kept his eyes closed, his last defense against the onslaught of sensory details pouring over him. He could feel the soft tips of her hair brushing against his cheek. He could taste the salt of his own tears, bitter, and the taste of something else, something tart and sweet. 

_“Thane?”_

It’s a breathed word, a prayer, and his eyes snap open on their own accord. 

^^^

He stares at the door, the floating green entry, the gate to the unknown. Already his heart is beating too fast, his breath shallow. His fingers bunch momentarily and then loosen and he moves forward, careful steps, quiet steps. He can feel the heavy air pressing in on him; he has to tell her, he has to expose his soul to the only one who can make him clean again. 

“Thane?” Her voice is soft but it seems to echo in his skull 

“Siha I…”

But the words are momentarily caught in his throat. She’s staring up at him, the way she always does when he calls her that, with a look so far past tenderness…

He swallows and then remembers everything he wants to say. He’s practiced over and over, staring down at the ground, head bowed in prayer, words barely leaving his lips. Perfect Drell memory. 

“I have known I will die for many years. I’ve tried to leave the galaxy better than I found it.” He paced back and forth, “You’ve helped me achieve more than I thought possible. We’ve righted many wrongs…I’ve spoken to my son.”

He paused again, his thoughts clouded. She stares at him, her eyes a mess of emotion he doesn’t want to see. How could she care? He could she let herself?

“I should be at peace on the eve of battle.” He hisses, fingers bunching again 

“Stop.” She’s standing, a hand on his arm, “Don’t give me a speech.” 

“I’m ashamed.” He shakes his head, voice breaking

And it’s the truth, he can feel it. All this time he’s fought to remain calm, to weather the storm so that she never had to face it. He wanted nothing more than to be her rock, to shield her. And yet…

Her hand, warm and soft and entirely too welcome touches his cheek. Tenderly. Gently. And he doesn’t deserve it. Not her kindness, not her time, not the emotions pooling in her eyes when he pulls away. Darts away. He leans heavily against the desk, fist pressed deep to feel the ache, the sharp pain of metal against skin. 

And then he can feel the sea, raging inside him, spilling past his eyes to run murky rivers down his cheeks. He raises his fist and slams it into the desk, crushing his eyes closed, fighting against the onslaught.

“I’ve worked so hard. Meditated and prayed and done good deeds. Atoned for evils I’ve done. Prepared.” He takes a breath, “I consider my body’s death, and a chill settles in my gut. I am afraid and it shames me.” 

He’s shaking, his muscles taut with anger and fear and an overwhelming presence of humility. To know one is dying, to realize how very valuable time really is…

But her hand is on his in the next moment, warm again. The chill that had settled long ago in his stomach begins to unwind itself, it’s tendrils pulling back. Her hand is strong, pulling, turning him to face her. It is not immediately apparent what emotion her eyes hold, they’re swirling with too many to pinpoint, but she takes another step closer and meets his gaze nonetheless. 

“Be alive with me tonight.” 

She breathes it, her voice barely above a whisper, a secret between the two of them. The aquarium lights cast strange shadows on her face as she steps forward again, closing the space between them. 

And then he tastes her. Her lips are softer than anything he’s ever felt, pink and sweet and malleable. He pulls back barely a centimeter and then presses his lips to hers again, gentle, testing. How long has it been? How many years has he wasted away alone in the dark? 

She blinded him with light, with the very brightness of her soul, and he shied away, pulling back. But he could not stay away for long, could not allow the expression that momentarily graced her features to linger. She must never doubt how he feels, how deeply and profoundly the connection they share affects him. 

“Siha.” He whispers the name into her mouth and her fingers bunch into his jacket in response 

His arm wraps around her, pulling her to his chest, his mouth moving with her own. His other hand is against her cheek, running through her hair. He can’t get close enough, he wants to feel every tiny space of her, to know her body like he knew his own. 

The bed is nearby and she drags them both to it, brushing datapads and a pillow to the floor in the process. He barely notices, her eyes are trained on him again and he’s stuck gazing back at her. Shepard is the most beautiful black hole he’s ever seen, pulling him in and tearing him apart tiny piece by tiny piece. 

He’s over top of her in the next moment, his lips dragging down her cheek and then butterflying over her neck. It makes her squirm, her fingers biting into his back, pulling him closer. 

But he wants to take his time, he wants to explore. Shepard may have started this but the thought had crossed his mind on more than one occasion. She looks like she’s about to plead with him, bargain, and he kisses her to quiet the words. He will draw her apart layer by layer, he will know her every space. 

And with that his lips are back on her neck, a rogue tongue charting it’s way down to her collarbone. Her breath hitches when he bites her, gentle, teasing, but her hands never leave his back, holding him close. 

His fingers are unbuttoning the front of her uniform, peeling it away to reveal a simple, black bra. Its modesty makes his chest hurt, makes him question himself momentarily. But when she shrugs out of the shirt and reels him in again, hot skin burning against his own, he knows he’s done for and she’s won. She can have whatever she wants. 

He lets her push off his jacket, lets it crumple away on the ground, lets her hands roam over tense shoulders and cold skin. When he dives back into her, their skin pressed together, he can feel her heartbeat reverberating throughout him. Her warmth, her smoothness. He could get lost in her. 

He pulls back far enough to slide down, kissing from her neck to her collarbones to her sternum. His hands drag against her ribs and she arches at the sensation, bringing her belly to his waiting lips, his tongue darting out to taste her skin. Her skin tingles against his tongue, warm, salty; she is the sun. 

When her back flattens again he continues on his path, biting and kissing over her ribs, down her stomach, right to the edge of her pants.. He wastes little time in sliding her belt off and then dragging her pants away. He brings his lips to her hips, biting hard enough for her to jolt, and then licks his way to the very edge of her panties. 

He can sense her excitement, her nervousness; the pheromones she gives off are intoxicating alone but coupled with the gentle, almost breathless sounds she makes and the way she writhes under his touch…it’s almost unbearable for him. He’s hooked, he craves more, needs more. 

“T-Thane.” She chokes on her own voice when he reaches up to unhook her bra and his dark eyes bounce up to meet hers

She swallows whatever else she was going to say and he continues, pulling the bra away and cupping one breast in his hand. Goosebumps rise across her skin and he’s reminded yet again of how foreign, how _human_ she really is. 

He tongue flicks, grazing pert nipples before he envelopes one between his teeth. Her back arches again and her body molds up against him, a perfect shadow. Already her chest is flushing, her cheeks a rosy pink. She takes a shallow, shaky breath as he pulls away, his eyes trained on her. 

His fingers tease down her side, along the side of her thigh and then back up again to brush every so gently against her panties. She squirms, impatient, but doesn’t say a word. He mimics the motion again, pausing this time to drag a fingertip right along the edge of the cloth. Goosebumps erupt over her skin again in response. 

Finally, and with her relieved sigh resting in the air between them, he drags away her panties and gently palms her, rocking his hand back and forth. He can see the muscles in her legs, particularly her thighs, tighten, rippling over the bed. 

In less than a moment, he plunges down, his face between her knees. He kisses the left and then the right, making his way slowly, excruciatingly slowly, to his target. She’s biting her lip, hard, fighting to stay quiet. He breathes, cool air against her most private of regions, and then dips his head forward. 

She can’t help the gasp, deep from her chest, from escaping as his tongue scrapes between her folds. He judges her every movement, every noise. He’s a master, at diminishing his target, exploiting their secret weaknesses. 

“Thane I…” Her voice catches and she rocks against him, legs clasping desperately

He’s got his fingers inside her, his mouth drawing quick patterns that she can barely keep up with. She shudders, her back arching, her hands clawing at the sheets below. 

“Please…please I need…”

And he obliges without her needing to say more. Faster and faster, deeper, tighter. She can’t form words now, just gibberish and gasps and moans. Whatever hope she’d had of keeping quiet is quickly left behind and he basks in the sound. He feels real, for the first time in many moons…he feels whole. 

When she cums, her legs trembling hard and her chest heaving, he pulls away gently and surveys her. The few wisps of bangs that are coated in sweat, pressed to her forehead. Her chest rising and falling in a tight rhythm, her eyes half lidded. He manages a small smile as he pulls away, wiping his mouth on the back of his forearm. 

What he doesn’t anticipate is the fire growing deep inside his belly or the way the flames lick up inside him when she smirks, pushing herself up. In the next moment she’s pulled him in again, her tongue invading his mouth. The swirling tastes unravel him and he doesn’t fight when she pushes him back against the bed. 

She’s already working on his pants when he looks up at her again, his mind slow to process. He can feel himself letting down his guard with Shepard, he always has. There’s something about her that pries him open, so slowly he doesn’t even realize it’s happening, until he’s exposed and she’s sheltering him from the wind. His tenacious protector.

He’s already hard, and has been for sometime, by the time she yanks his pants down. Her eyes are a certain kind of danger he can do nothing but embrace, even as her fingertips trail against his abs, sending waves over his skin and through his muscles. 

They’re dipping lower now, teasing, dancing over sensitive skin. He closes his eyes, it only magnifies the feeling, and is surprised when her wet, hot mouth descends upon him. 

“Si- ah!” He gasps, groaning as she bobs her head, slowly and then more and more quickly 

Her mouth is wet, overwhelming warm, and strong. He barely has time to get his bearing when she’s changing direction, speed, grip. One hand laces into her hair, tight, and the other into the pillow beside his head. Electricity seems to beam up through him, fighting hard in the core of his belly. 

His toes curl, he can feel every muscle in his body grow taut. She pulls away for a moment and he strikes, unwilling to let this end, not yet. He cups her face, dragging her to him with soft, smooth lips. She goes without a fight, letting him pull her to his chest and then roll over on top of her. 

He kisses her again, harder, and then spreads her legs apart with his own. She’s flushed again, her face darker and her eyes bright and shimmering in the light from the aquarium. She is a sight to behold and he is thankful, so thankful, for a perfect memory. A perfect replica of her. 

In the next moment she whimpers, biting her bottom lip. He pulls out and then goes back again, leaning closer this time to press a hard kiss to her temple. When he moves a third time, she hisses in a tight breath, moaning as quietly as she can. 

He picks up speed, finds a rhythm. He can feel her tighten with every movement, feel her shake and shiver in response to him. He kisses her again, sucking on her bottom lip until she moans, fully. 

He snakes fingers around her wrists and shoves them over her head, pinning her to the bed and giving himself leverage. Her back arches pushing them closer, sending a wave of pulsing heat up his spine. He groans, moving faster, squeezing harder. 

“T-Thane I’m…I…” She sucks in a breath, holding it momentarily, and then exhales a sob, her back arching again 

He manages to rip another moan from her throat, a guttural, natural sound, and a jumbled prayer before it becomes too much. She screams his name, her fingers bunching tightly, and he’s done for, pressing his face against her shoulder with a chorus of moans to follow. 

“Shepard.” He brings his head up and presses his forehead to hers, “Kiss me.”

And she does, tenderly, her eyes closed. He lets go of her wrists and collapses against her, his face between her neck and shoulder. He shivers when she starts soft patterns against his back with her fingertips, keeping him cemented in place. If he is going to die, he thinks, at least he can die with this moment replaying in his mind. 

When he can breathe again, think clearly, he rolls off of her and relaxes against the bed. She pulls up a soft blanket and then curls up beside him, her head on his shoulder. She feels him press a hard kiss to her forehead, crushing her closer in his arms. 

“Do you wish for me to stay?” He whispered after a few moments in silence, swallowing back his fears

“Yes.” Her voice is groggy but she tightens her arms around him nonetheless

“As you wish, siha.” He whispers, smiling gently 

In the dark, with her so close, it is easy to forget his shame. Easy to forget the future or the past. Easy to melt away. She is the present, she is a gift. He closes his eyes and breathes in her scent, touches her smooth back, counting the vertebrae. 

^^^

The bathroom door slides open and she stretches, tiptoeing back to bed until she realizes he’s awake.

“Are you all right?” 

“Yes, of course.” He replies with a small smile, offering his arm and shoulder as she climbs back in 

“Were you remembering something?” She asked innocently, yawning and snuggling closer

“Yes.” 

“What were you remembering?” 

She is nearly asleep again, her voice far away. He cannot help but yawn in return, his arm tightening around her. He blinks once, twice, and then closes his eyes.

“I will tell you, one day.” he replied with a chuckle

She merely nods, her eyes still closed and her face still pressed against his bare skin. Her breath against his neck makes the base of his spine tingle but it is not an unwelcome feeling. She mumbles something that suspiciously sounds like love but he doesn’t press the issue. He simply presses his face into her hair.


End file.
